


oh so sad, so quiet

by nowhiteflaguponmydoor



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Cuddles, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hawk loses a young patient, Minor Character Death, Multi, OT3, punnihawk, the last of the mohicans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-11-14 02:43:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18043925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nowhiteflaguponmydoor/pseuds/nowhiteflaguponmydoor
Summary: Hawkeye loses a young patient, and goes home to Peg and BJ. He's uncharacteristically quiet. Cue Peg and Beej doing their best to offer support.





	oh so sad, so quiet

**Author's Note:**

  * For [onekisstotakewithme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/onekisstotakewithme/gifts).



> (The death isn't graphic and is just mentioned, but warning for death of a child)
> 
> Credit to PrairieDawn for the prompt. Thanks to Floot for encouragement. Title from ABBA's Chiquitita, one of my all time favorite songs.
> 
> For you, Ally Bean.

Peg and BJ are sitting at the kitchen table when they hear the door open. BJ frowns and looks at his watch—Hawkeye shouldn’t be home yet. He hears the sound of Hawk kicking his shoes off and throwing his keys down on the table by the entryway.

Peg raises an eyebrow at him and he shrugs. He won’t know until he can see Hawk’s face. They hear Hawk take off toward the study instead of the kitchen. Peg hesitates for a moment before calling out to him.

There’s no reply, but BJ can hear him moving around—pouring a drink? A minute later, Hawkeye slouches into the kitchen and drops down into the chair across from Peggy and BJ and sets a glass of scotch on the table in front of him. He doesn’t drink it, and doesn’t look at Peg or BJ, just studies the wooden kitchen table and the glass of scotch.

 He looks awful. There’s really no other word for it. He looks angry and sad simultaneously. BJ knows that look. He’s seen it on himself a few times, when he’s lost a patient, and—oh. _Oh_.

Peg seems to realize what BJ does at the same time, and without a word, she stands and fills the tea kettle and puts it on the stove to boil. BJ suddenly remembers the cookies he’d put in the oven and stands up to check on them, though the timer hasn’t yet gone off. He grabs some oven mitts and sure enough, they appear to be done, so he pulls them out and puts them on the counter to cool before turning of the timer and going back to sit at the kitchen table with Hawkeye. This time, he moves his chair around so he can be right beside Hawk, who’s now got an elbow on the table with his head leaning in his hand. He still hasn’t touched the scotch.

BJ positions himself so he’s facing Hawkeye, knees coming up to rest against Hawkeye’s thigh. If Hawk notices, he doesn’t give any sign. BJ leans in close and whispers “Hawk?” quietly. Hawkeye just shakes his head and closes his eyes, curling in on himself slightly.

This has BJ thrown for a loop. He tends to shut down when he loses a patient, becoming silent and lost in his head; whereas Hawkeye, who is never quiet, will generally rant and rave and blame himself, yes, but BJ had never seen him shut down like this, and honestly, it’s scaring him, scaring him enough that in the back of his head he feels bad for doing this to Hawk and Peg.

BJ sits quietly in solidarity for a long moment. He wants to reach out and touch Hawk, wrap his arms around him, but isn’t sure how he’ll accept it, so he just stays in Hawkeye’s space with his knees pressed against Hawk’s thighs, trying to radiate _I’m here, I love you, and I’m here for you_.

Peg has been bustling around the kitchen while the water for the tea boils. She transfers some of the cookies onto a plate and when the tea is ready, she pours three cups and sets two of them down on the table along with the plate of cookies. The third cup she brings to Hawkeye directly. She pulls gently where he’s got his head in his hand, and BJ realizes that he’d had a fistful of his hair—not pulling it out, but pulling tight enough to probably hurt. Peg maneuvers the mug of tea into Hawkeye’s hands so he can hold on to that, instead. She brushes his hair back from his face before she goes to sit down next to BJ on his other side. BJ feels her hand on his back and turns his head, throwing her a sad smile.

The silence lingers, but Hawkeye eventually sips his tea as Peg and BJ keep an eye on him. When he sits the mug down and sniffs, BJ can’t help himself, he puts a hand on Hawk’s shoulder. Hawkeye flinches and lets out a quiet sob. BJ tries to take his hand away, but Hawkeye reaches up and traps his hand, holding on tight. BJ grips his shoulder and says “Hawk, what happened?”

It takes a couple of tries before Hawkeye speaks, his voice hoarse and shaky. “Y’know that kid with the congenital heart defect? That was my surgery for today. I was gonna fix it. And he...he...I got there, and he was gone. Cardiac arrest overnight.” He shakes his head. “I...I should’ve scheduled the surgery sooner, I…” he trails off. “I could have _fixed it,_ goddammit.”

BJ’s heart aches. He hears Peg get up; she moves around to crouch beside Hawkeye and takes his head in her hands. “You couldn’t have known that would happen, darling,” she says softly. Hawkeye sniffs, trying hard not to cry.

Peg pets his hair. “What do you need from us? What can we do?”

That makes Hawkeye’s tears fall. After all of this time, he still isn’t convinced he deserves to have nice things, to have Peggy and BJ and Erin, to be comforted when things go wrong the way he is a comfort to them.

“I...I think I just need to lie down,” Hawk says. Peggy frowns, but stands, smoothing his hair down and kissing his forehead.

“Alright, darling. Go lie down, then.” BJ is confused that Peg is willing to let him get away with not answering her question. Hawkeye gets up and goes upstairs, and when he’s gone, Peg sits down in BJ’s lap. “We’re going to give him a minute,” she says, putting her forehead against BJ’s. “We’re going to give him a minute or two, and then we’re going to go upstairs and lie down with him. We’re going to wrap him in a blanket, put him between us, and give him the comfort he clearly needs and can’t seem to ask for.”

BJ nods. “I’ve never seen him like this, Peg. All quiet like that. That kid was young. Younger than Erin, I remember him telling me about him, and how cute he was. Hawk’s lost patients before but…god, Peg. I don’t even know what to tell him, because I’d be just as upset.”

Peg runs her fingers through BJ’s hair. “We aren’t going to tell him anything right this minute, because he’s hurting and thinks this is his fault, and nothing we say can change that right now.” She knows this from experience. “We’re going to go upstairs and just be there for him, and for now, that’s all we can do.” She gets up. “Go on, I’ll meet you up there in a minute.” They’ve got hours yet before Erin is due home from school. Maybe a nap is what everyone needs.

BJ complies and goes upstairs to their bedroom. Hawk is curled up under the covers, trembling. BJ steps out of his worn jeans but leaves his shirt on, not wanting Hawk to get the wrong idea, and gets under the covers behind him and pulls him in tight. He’s relieved that Hawkeye doesn’t pull away or fight out of his grip, and instead he leans into BJ’s chest. “Shhhhh, Hawk,” he whispers. “I’ve got you. Shhhh.” Hawkeye digs his fingers into BJ’s arm and chokes out “Beej…”

"Yeah, hon, I’m here. I’m right here, and Peggy’s coming too. You don’t have to be alone with this, okay?”

Hawk shudders but nods. Peg comes into the room, changes into one of Hawkeye’s t-shirts and grabs Hawk’s robe and a pair of BJ’s pajama pants. She goes around to the other side of the bed and pulls back the covers. “Darling, you’ll be more comfortable in your pajamas.”

She and BJ get him out of his dress shirt and pants and into the pajama bottoms. Peg wraps him in his red bathrobe before stepping away and grabbing something before getting into bed. She sits up in bed and puts a pillow in her lap, coaxing Hawk to lie down there, BJ stretching out next to him, rubbing his back and kissing his neck. Peg opens the book she had brought with her with one hand, and pets Hawkeye’s hair with the other, reading aloud: “It was a feature peculiar to the colonial wars of North America, that the toils and dangers of the wilderness were to be encountered before the adverse hosts could meet…”

She’d grabbed Hawkeye’s copy of _The Last of the Mohicans._ BJ smiles to himself, and feels Hawk gasp in recognition and relax against him. Peggy Jane Hunnicutt is a miracle.

Peggy reads for a while, and BJ thinks Hawk has fallen asleep, when he reaches up and puts a hand on hers, pausing her reading aloud. “Peg,” he says softly. He sits up and looks at each of them. “Beej...that’s...this is what I needed. Thank you.”

  
He lies back down between them and falls asleep to the sound of Peggy reading his favorite book, and BJ rubbing his back. _It isn’t okay,_ BJ thinks. _Not yet. But it will be._


End file.
